We did our final defense in nursing research this morning. I didn’t feel anxious at all. Not because I was confident our study was going to be approved. I even accepted the possibility that we might be rejected, but it would be alright for me, because we worked hard and tried our best. I just felt neutral about it.
I really like being in a business attire. I wore black slacks, white long-sleeved polo shirt, and a red tie. I looked so distinguished, smart, and professional hehehe…
But it was as good as being approved! We only have to change a few things in the way we gathered, presented and analyzed our data.
Anyway, I’m sad once again. It’s back to reality again for me. Not that the sadness has left me for an instant. It lingers every moment of my waking hour. It lurks in the background, pain intermingled with numbness. It’s just that, when I’m busy my mind is off it, but the feeling is still there, just waiting to be acknowledged.
Tonight, on my way home, I felt the full meaning of the word “alone”. I am so alone. I am alone again. But this time the feeling is more acute. It’s also terrifying. Alone. There’s a word.
“But I’m still here, ga. I’m still here. You can always call me, we can always talk.” Yes, ga. That really gives me comfort. But it’s not the same. Things are not the same.
